Friday, February 12, 2010

Honesty is My Aphrodisiac

It does pay to be honest. It pays in rewarding relationships. It pays in unblocked energy. It pays in passion. To stand tall in who you are, unafraid to reveal what you want and need, kind enough to tell the truth, and brave enough to bear the consequences, is a telling sign of your development.

My New Year’s resolution for 2010 is to intentionally drop the baggage that’s holding me back and keeping me playing small. In other words, stop crouching down in fear and instead, spring out in faith. And I think I’m on Day 32.

Well, since writing that down and putting myself in conversations that had me standing up for me and my values, conversations that had me telling others the truth not knowing what the consequences would be but, being in faith that I would walk away feeling great about my world, amazing/frightening/inspiring things have happened.

When I think back to the times I didn’t stand up for what was important to me, it was because I was afraid of the consequences the other person would hand to me. These consequences ranged from anger, sarcasm, abandonment, and a magnifying glass put on me and all my imperfections. None of them good. I feared or avoided it at all costs.

What happens when I don’t stand in truth is that I end up resenting the other person, when, really, the fault lies with me. What I’ve learned is the key here is to have faith that whatever the consequences are of your honest conversations, it will pay in more rewarding relationships and in you being let free of your own restraints. And, maybe the more rewarding relationship you find is the one with yourself.

I can’t tell you how many times the question, “Why do you always have to be the center of attention everywhere you go?” has echoed through my head. This question was asked by the people who were supposed to love me the most. And, yet, it’s who I am—I’m filled with a love of drama, zest and laughter. (So like my mother, it’s scary!) So, when I finally stood up for myself and told them this is who I am, those relationships either walked away or were pushed away. The result? More relationships entered who not only accepted me and all my drama but, loved me because of it.

Recently, I’ve once again had to confront relationships that I felt weren’t honoring the best in me; I felt unhealthy and “in the box” when I was around them. Standing up for what I want and who I am at 44 and a half and being willing to accept the consequences…Well, I’d like to tell you the relationships always get better and everyone agrees with my honesty but, they don’t. I lost one relationship and walked into another that is more powerful and more giving each and every day.

It takes courage to be honest. And, when I speak it or hear it, I’m filled with inspiration, passion, a release of anxiety, excitement, strength, a knowing…my blood gets moving quicker. Honesty to me is an aphrodisiac.

1 comment:

  1. sounding good girlfriend! I think your on the right path! I Love it & I am so proud of you. Keep it up!